Live of Groupon

We will choose one person to attempt to survive for one year with nothing but a laptop, cellphone, and an unlimited supply of Groupons. If successful, that person will receive
$100,000!

Josh is welcomed to Groupon

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Groupon Headquarters (HQ) is probably the coolest place in the world to work. During my tour I was challenged to a table tennis match (but I think he really meant beer pong) and offered the chance to play Rockband (my fav!) in the beanbag room. After the tour they blindfolded me and led me into the Groupon Dungeon (yeah…they have everything). They proceeded to interrogate me, steal my wallet and kick me out of the building with a just three Groupons, three hours and my killer instincts (no bears were harmed during the making of this Blog).

Out in the street, hungry and alone, I saw a charter bus, idling eerily. I approached cautiously, unsure of what crafty Groupon traps awaited me. The bus driver, Curtis, amused by my story told me to hop on and that we’d be at my destination, the John Hancock Building in 20 minutes. What are the odds? While looking for a seat, I asked the other passengers for a pen to help me document my quest. Megan, a young lady from the suburbs, offered me a Sharpie and the seat next to her. After a quick chat, I learned that she grew up in my hometown of Buffalo Grove and even graduated from my High School a few years after me (small world). She said she was heading to Foodlife, a restaurant located in Water Tower Place (Across the street from where I was headed).

We got off the bus and headed into the restaurant. I asked to speak to the manager and gave him my spiel about Groupon. He laughed and handed me a few Gift Certificates. I quickly grabbed a buffalo chicken wrap, a monster cookie, a brownie, and a large bottle of water. I wolfed down the wrap, pocketed the remaining gift certificate and ran across the street eager to use my first Groupon of the day.

My first stop once inside, the Gift Shop. That’s when I saw it…the Lego John Hancock Model. As a lifelong fan of Lego…I decided I wasn’t leaving until I had one as a souvenir. I ran into a bunch of tourists who were uninterested in what I was offering. Then I met Patty, a native Chicagoan and volunteer for a number of organizations including the Boys and Girls Club of America. She agreed to accompany me to the Hancock Observatory and even buy me the Lego Model in exchange for my Groupon (A one year membership for her and a guest). We traveled up the nearly 100 floors at approx. 25mph (fun fact #1). I asked Patty if she’d ever been up here and she told me she comes to the bar on occasion because the women’s bathroom has the best view of the city (fun fact #2). After a couple pictures on my crappy phone, we headed back down to the gift shop. It was at that moment Patty realized she’d dropped her wallet! Terrified that she’d have to live off Groupons with me and I’d lost my best chance at obtaining my Lego dream, we backtracked to the top. Luckily someone had turned it in to the information desk. With disaster averted, I thanked her again and we went our separate ways (Journey anyone?).

Next stop…America’s Dog. I walked up to the first taxi I saw parked on the side of Michigan Ave. The cabbie, Obinna, a Nigerian man residing in Chicago for the last nine years, happily agreed to give me a ride in exchange for the cookie and remaining $5 gift certificate. After a quick ride, he let me out and sped off. Having already eaten at Foodlife, I decided to give my two Groupon hotdogs to a homeless person on the street. I asked the doorman at a nearby building if he knew of anyone who could use the food. He directed me around the corner to a man named Ken, who stands on the corner by Macy’s. I asked Ken if he’d like to come with me for a couple dogs but he could barely walk on his own due to a back problem. I told him not to worry and headed back to America’s Dog and ordered 2 Chicago dogs with everything, just the way Ken likes them. A Texan named Jackie agreed to pay for the tax, even though it turned out you don’t get charged tax when ordering this deal. While I waited for the order, I built my Lego John Hancock. New goal for this contest…collecting Lego landmarks across the country. Mental note…start planning Groupawn video sequel starring me as Godzilla. I returned to Ken, who thanked me profusely for the food and water and wished me luck.

With less than 30 minutes remaining, I knew I’d have to trade my last Groupon for a ride back to Groupon HQ. I saw a CTA bus across the street and asked the driver if he could help me out with the next leg of my trip. He kindly agreed. I got off at my stop and that is where I ran into Rick Bayless…true story. He was busy shooting something and was surrounded by people, but I inched closer to him and waited for a chance to talk to him. Unfortunately he informed me that he was in the middle of a shoot and I’d have to wait. I followed him for another two blocks, cursed Groupon for giving me a time limit and picked up the pace back to HQ. That excursion had eaten up most of my remaining time; With just 10 minutes left, desperate and almost out of things to trade…I spotted a truck of the package delivery sort (company will remain nameless…rhymes with U.S. Schmostal Service). I told the driver I needed a quick ride and I’d give him my last Groupon and a brownie for a quick ride….

The official story he helped me come up with, was that I conned my way onto another CTA bus and gave my last Groupon to a nice lady on the bus…I certainly did not ride in the back of that truck and have him refuse to take anything in return.

Mission Accomplished.